Prevention & Intervention for Digital Dating Abuse
Digital dating abuse is an unfortunate reality many teens and young adults face, especially in an age where social media and technology play such a central role in their lives and relationships. This post aims to offer practical guidance for caring adults—whether you’re a parent, caregiver, or youth-serving professional—on how to both prevent and intervene in cases of digital dating abuse. In my previous post, I covered the basic definition of digital dating abuse and what it can look like. Here, I’ll focus on actionable steps you can take to help teens navigate these challenging situations safely and confidently.
Prevention: Equipping Teens with Knowledge
Prevention starts with providing teens with the information and strategies they need to identify and avoid unhealthy and abusive relationships. Here are some key concepts to discuss with young people as they start dating:
Distinguishing Love from Jealousy
Jealousy is often mistaken for affection, but it’s a harmful mindset that can escalate in digital spaces, where constant connection can make boundaries blurry. Explain to teens that real love respects individuality and autonomy, while jealousy attempts to control and restrict.Understanding Healthy, Unhealthy, and Abusive Relationship Dynamics
Teens need to know what a healthy relationship looks like—one with mutual respect, open communication, and equality. Help them recognize when a relationship may be unhealthy (e.g., frequent arguments, lack of trust) or even abusive (e.g., one partner exercises control over the other, dictates behavior, or restricts contact with others). This knowledge can empower them to set boundaries and recognize red flags.Emphasizing Relationship Rights and Recognizing Red Flags
Teens have fundamental relationship rights, such as the right to privacy and the freedom to spend time with friends. If someone tries to infringe on these rights or discourage outside connections, it’s a red flag. These conversations make it easier for teens to spot warning signs and advocate for themselves.Setting Boundaries Around Consent and Digital Interactions
In the digital world, boundaries and consent extend to behaviors like responding to messages, sharing passwords, or posting pictures together. Emphasize that it’s okay to delay responses, refuse to share passwords, or ask for permission before anything is posted. By normalizing these boundaries, we can help teens recognize that they’re under no obligation to respond to pressure in the digital space.
Intervention: When you Recognize Digital Dating Abuse
When prevention isn’t enough, intervention may be necessary. Here’s a framework I find helpful: RADAR, an acronym from the Massachusetts Medical Society Committee on Violence, Intervention, and Prevention. This approach breaks down into steps:
Routine Screening
If you’re a professional, integrate questions about digital dating abuse into any routine assessments or screenings. This simple addition can bring important issues to light early on.Ask Direct Questions
Whether you’re a caregiver or professional, don’t shy away from direct questions. Consider asking teens if a partner has ever controlled their device usage, pressured them to send explicit content, or posted something against their wishes. Specific questions like these make it easier for teens to recognize harmful behaviors they may have otherwise normalized.Document Evidence
In cases where abuse is suspected, documentation can be key. Encourage teens to save screenshots, emails, and messages, so they have records if they decide to seek further help, whether through school protections or legal avenues.Assess Safety
Address mental, emotional, and physical safety by asking questions about their well-being. Abuse, even in digital form, often accompanies in-person dating violence. Determine if additional safety measures—like being walked between classes or limiting interactions with the abuser—are necessary.Refer and Connect to Resources
Bring in other professionals as needed. Connect teens to therapists, caseworkers, school counselors, or reputable resources like Love Is Respect, which offers support through a text line, chat, and hotline for both teens and professionals.
Safety Planning in a Digital World
Digital safety planning can include practical steps such as changing passwords, blocking contacts, disabling location sharing, and even taking a break from social media if it feels right. Many teens don’t realize the extent to which they share their location online, and educating them on these privacy settings can help them feel more in control. Also, encourage them to inform friends not to post their location or tag them, particularly if they’re taking a break for safety reasons.
Safety plans should be flexible and individualized, as not every precaution suits every situation. One useful resource I recommend is Love Is Respect’s teen-specific safety planning guide, which covers various protective steps teens can take in abusive situations.
When supporting teens through digital dating abuse, it's crucial to recognize that the period when someone tries to leave an abusive relationship is often the most dangerous. By respecting the young person's understanding of their own situation, you’re helping them feel empowered. Offer options, and let them lead the way to solutions that work best for them.
If you suspect a teen in your life is experiencing digital dating abuse, remember that your role as a caring adult can make a tremendous difference. Through prevention and intervention, we can work together to create safer, more supportive environments for teens navigating relationships in a digital world.
Want to learn more? I have two workshops that delve more into teen dating violence and digital dating abuse. Contact me for more information or to schedule a live workshop.
